My favorite movie of all time is “Brown Sugar”. I watched the DVD so much that it started to jump & freeze at random parts until eventually it broke completely. cries a thug tear

I love the story: Best friends for life, fall in love with different people, fall out of love, realize that what they’ve been looking for their whole life is each other.

I fell in love with my best friend long before I fell in love with “Brown Sugar”. He has always been a constant in my life. Though we had some minor disagreements, we were always there for each other. In the back of my mind I always thought we’d end up growing old together. I knew that no man could ever measure up to him. He is the epitome of a perfect flaw. Every time I think I’ve found “the one”, my heart screams “Oh no you didn’t”.

On several occasions my best friend and I have talked about my feelings. Usually we break the seriousness of the conversation with several inappropriate jokes which make both of us laugh until we cry. That’s how we function; nothing ever gets taken too seriously. Our philosophy: “It’s always better to laugh”.

Recently, a regular “How’s your day?” phone call morphed into an unexpected serious conversation…about love. I made the mistake of making it blatantly clear that I couldn’t see myself without him in my life. How I longed to fall asleep in his arms and awaken to the sounds of him breathing ever so calmly. I couldn’t stand the thought of another football season without him by my side…drinking beers and rooting for opposite teams. The thought of a trip to the mall without my partner in compulsive shopping was unimaginable. Even surfing the interwebs wouldn’t be the same without him. Who would be there to laugh at Lil Duval’s jokes with me? Completing college with him by my side, encouraging me everyday while supporting multiple changes of my major has been a great experience.

The truth is, there is not a single habitual act in my life that doesn’t involve him. He is my everything.

Now this is the part of the blog post where you get all of the juicy details about some wonderful engagement. You see, that doesn’t happen here. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I may never know what it feels like to marry my first love. I may never experience walking down the aisle to see my best friend. I may never know what it’s like to enter a union with no secrets, starting a new chapter in the book we’ve written together for years. I may never experience saying my vows to my soulmate.

I should cry. I should be angry. I should give up on love. But I won’t. And I can’t. People say things happen for a reason and I say that’s a lie. Everything that happens is a result of your actions and reactions. I refuse to lose a best friend just because he may never become my husband. Honestly, marriage isn’t on the top of his bucket list. And marrying me…well, let’s just discuss that some other time.

I say all of that to say this, “Love hard and love with all of you heart.”

I may not marry the man of my dreams, but I’ll definitely spend every moment with him…realizing that my love for him is strong, with or without a ring. I will continue to appreciate him for all that he is and everything that he’s not. He will forever be the love of my life…