I will not admit that I’m an expert on misbehaving while under the influence of alcohols; let’s just say I’ve had a LOT of practice. My rule after a drunken night out with friends - Do NOT tell me what I did or said while drunk. My friends & frienemies seem to enjoy the shocked look on my face when they break said rule. Me? Not so much.

That’s why I have devised a fool proof plan to combat the evilness that is “Acting a dayum fool while drunk in public”, AADFWDIP for short. Drunk texting to the rescue!! cue trumpets Never again will I have to sit through an hour long recap if the previous night’s escapades. Now a trip down drunken memory lane is as close as my iPhone inbox and as easy as a freshman trying to fit in. {insert inappropriate laughter here….and here}

Drunk dialing has often led to conversations involving love, nekkidness, and Ring Pops. I am a fan of the Ring Pop…jewelry AND sugary goodness all in one?! Who wouldn’t love them? I digress. Prior to my discovery of drunk texting, I was forced to rely on some guy’s polluted version of my confessions of love and requests for {insert filthy acts here}. Now I’m able to search through my inbox and giggle at my own odd requests. Who knew THAT was possible with Froot Loops?! Ben Stein wow

Moral of story…Drink responsibly, drunk text emotionally. I’m drunk right now? I are.